Dr Chidi Ajayi: ...AND THE CURTAINS COME DOWN!

Dr Chidi Ajayi: ...AND THE CURTAINS COME DOWN!: Yes and the curtains come down on 4 young boys who had a promising and bright future! Oh! My soul weeps for them. I am sure by now the wor...

...AND THE CURTAINS COME DOWN!

Yes and the curtains come down on 4 young boys who had a promising and bright future! Oh! My soul weeps for them.

I am sure by now the world must have heard or read about the gruesome murders of 4 young University of PortHarcourt boys. An unjust murder, maybe a pre-meditated one. I have tried (I must confess) to justify their being murdered but I find none. In my 30-something years on earth, I have never seen anything like the way those boys were murdered! The person who posted the life video on how they were been killed should not be left unpunished! Why couldn't he have called for help from the police but all the person did was to capture the 'motion-picture' and then circulate it!

Even when common unconfirmed thieves were caught, they would only be beaten mercilessly but not killed in most instances and then marched to the nearest police station. But that was not the case for these boys!

I have been asking....what is going on with our youths today? The youths of today are involved in a lot of hideous crimes, you just name them. Funnily, their ages range from 19 years to 25 years. If it is not killing, it will be stealing. If it is not stealing, it will be armed robbery and worse still recruits for bombing!

Whether we like it or not, we are slowly killing the hope of 'Beautiful ones being born'. Please whom can we point accusatory fingers at? Is it our parents, who give us too much too handle or who give nothing at all, leaving us to hustle for ourselves...desperately too sometimes. Or is it the fact that they get caught up in their problems and material things of life, so much so that they can't even spare us a second of their time!

I will keep saying this.."The best legacy a parent can give his or her child are good morals and values" not properties and money.

We shall never get to know the true story of what happened to these boys because they were never given a chance to defend and uphold their honour. There are so many versions to the story but then, who cares?! They are dead and gone. For all I know, it may have been a case of 'being at the wrong place at the wrong time and probably with the wrong friends'! Even at that, it was not enough to kill those bright stars, those 'future of tomorrow'.

When the story of these boys' death broke out, I looked at my son and asked myself where do I start from to tell him, " Son, please face your books. Don't join cult O! Don't follow bad friends O! Don't drink alcohol and don't smoke.." Because, no mother can stand the pain of her son being killed in that manner!

On a final note, parents, remember you are the first teachers of your children. Get involved in their lives today please! Don't bond with them only when they come home from school, do some private investigations on the kind of activities they are involved in at school...so that this kind of mess will not be our portion in the mighty name of Jesus.

May the souls of Tekena, Ugonna, Chidiaka and Lloyd rest in perfect peace. May your families continue to find solace in the Lord for He knows best. And to your killers...I hand them over to God for judgement. Amen.

I believe your deaths will not ever be in vain.

THE BIRDS AND THE BEES!!

This is a commom phrase (or should I say story) and answer kids get from parents to questions concerning sex, sexuality and reproduction. Oh, come on guys!! Who do you think you are fooling...telling that funny story! Do you expect your kids to keep up with that answer? Ehn, if you like don't tell them the truth according to their age and exposure, someone will help you do it and in a way that you may not approve of...practically, I mean!

I understand your fears but for how long are you going to keep telling this story that doesn't reflect the truth about sexuality and reproduction. If questions on this hard-to-talk-about-topics come up, please do not beat about the bush, especially  if you are not comfortable talking about them or you know nothing about it.

What parents need to know is that kids just don't ask those questions based on imagination but on what they might have seen or heard and so they just need clarifications from the most trusted person(s) in his or her world...Mum or Dad!

The point is not to hush the child up or change the topic or tell  'the birds and bees' story but to give an age-appropriate information that will not only be simplified according to their level of understanding but will be accurate.

I am not sure if you guys have noticed but kids are growing up too fast these days! You see a 5yr old boldly asking questions on sex, relationship and reproduction a 15yr old would ordinarily ask or even feel too shy to mention!

It's a parent (be it mother or father)'s primary responsibility to discuss sex issues with children as opportunity arises. It's important that they know the facts so that they can be comfortable with themselves as emerging sexual beings and make well-informed decisions at appropriate times.

The following are some useful tips on how to start the 'sex talk' with your kid(s):

• Get educated or informed on FAQs (frequently asked questions). This will help you overcome your total ignorance, fear and anxiety when the series of questions come up!
• Start building a good communication line between you and your kids. It makes it easier for the kids to come to you for about anything.
• Learn to pick cues when you are with your kid (either from what they say or do). This tells you....it's time for that talk!
• Fill your kids with facts on the issue. Helps to foster the spirit of trust and respect. If you lie about the subject and they find out...you think they will ask you again?!
• And if you don't have the right information on sex and sexuality issues, refer your kids to an Adolescent Health Centre. 

On a final note, please stop this propaganda on 'the birds and bees' story and start telling these kids facts about intimacy, sharing and being responsible to themselves and the people they choose to relate with.

Happy talking! lol. 

Dr Chidi Ajayi: A SOCIAL MEDIA MISHAP!

Dr Chidi Ajayi: A SOCIAL MEDIA MISHAP!:  I am sure that by now the whole world must have heard or read about a recent unfortunate incidence that occurred in FESTAC, Lagos. How a on...

A SOCIAL MEDIA MISHAP!

 I am sure that by now the whole world must have heard or read about a recent unfortunate incidence that occurred in FESTAC, Lagos. How a once beautiful and free-spirited soul, the late Cynthia Osokogu, a 24yr old post-graduate student was killed by evil men she met on Facebook...Hmmm! This same Facebook!

Cynthia was lured by these men (she was meeting them for the first time) to come to Lagos for a so-called business meeting (do people still fall for this kind of crap?!) and unknowing to her, she was drugged, strangled and robbed of her money and other things.

Really, if truth be told...whatever Cynthia's reason for meeting these people, was it enough to kill her? Mehn! How wicked this world is and selfish! Now this poor girl has been deprived of achieving her full potential in life!

Like I had mentioned in my earlier blog about the "evils" of this social media whereby our young ones practically put themselves in danger by giving out a lot of personal information, accepting "funny" friend requests from very shady characters, and not to mention meeting with them! Is wah o!

How can our young ones be so trusting that they will consent to leaving the confines of their home and then travel to meet strangers?...In this time of 419ers, ritualists and rapists who parade as human beings!

Please, dear parents, this is most definitely a wake-up call. Let us go an extra mile to know what our kids are   up to, whom they associate with  and their whereabouts.

Like Cynthia's father said, that youths should not be chatting with strangers on facebook, internet, blackberry, talkless of visiting them when you do not know them. He also said that he would be consoled to know that his daughter's ordeal shall save other youths.

"CYNTHIA OSOKOGU, MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE. AMEN"

Dr Chidi Ajayi: STRICT PARENTING OR CHILD ABUSE?

Dr Chidi Ajayi: STRICT PARENTING OR CHILD ABUSE?: "My name is Mary-Jane Ihuoma (real name withheld). I am 14yrs old and I live with my parents and two younger siblings. I sometimes think of ...

STRICT PARENTING OR CHILD ABUSE?

"My name is Mary-Jane Ihuoma (real name withheld). I am 14yrs old and I live with my parents and two younger siblings. I sometimes think of killing myself and other times, I think of running away from home. Worse still, I wonder if they are my real parents. When I don't do my house chores or finish them, my mother would starve me of food for a whole day. If I stay out longer than I should, I get the beating of my life. If I am caught talking to the neighbour's son, my mother would rub dried hot pepper around my vagina, saying "that will teach you to keep away from boys, Ashewo (meaning prostitute)!" Now I do not know which makes me feel bad, my mother doing all these things to me or my father who sees all these things been done to me and doesn't say a word?!...."

"I am Mrs Joyce Bassey (real name withheld). I have five children (12yrs, 10yrs, 8yrs, 6yrs and 4yrs old). They do not listen to me at all. Everything I ask them to do, they do not do them. I give them house chores and I end up doing them. I am tired and it's just that I do not know how to beat a child if not..."

Can we say that the 1st scenario is a case of child abuse or strict parenting? Or would the 2nd scenario be a case of "Spare the rod and spoil the child"? Well, I cannot judge O! But all I know is that I still believe in the power of talking or discussing with your kids. I believe parents should go an extra mile of telling their kids what they did wrong and why they shouldn't have done it or better still asking their kids what they think they did wrong and how or what they should have done right.

If truth be told there are still some kids, especially Nigerian kids who are so stubborn and dem no dey hear word so tey they respect cane pass their mama and papa! But, come O! Don't you think it still boils down to how that child is or was brought up. Because why?...pikin no fit train him or her sef.

On a final note, I think we parents should learn to nip certain behaviours in our kids right from the bud and not just say things like, "She is still a baby" or "It doesn't mean anything" or the famous one "He will out-grow it". If we correct these wrongs on time, we won't resort to beating, abusing or starving these kids all in the name of training them!

Dr Chidi Ajayi: TEENS IN CYBERSPACE!!

Dr Chidi Ajayi: TEENS IN CYBERSPACE!!: Ever wondered how your teen got to know about the internet, more so, get into it and I mean really into it! Not that it is a bad thing to se...

TEENS IN CYBERSPACE!!

Ever wondered how your teen got to know about the internet, more so, get into it and I mean really into it! Not that it is a bad thing to see your child very "up-to-date" with the computer, but sometimes I can't help but worry about the extent of internet usage.

Cyberspace surely allows adolescents the benefits of expressing themselves, as well as, exploring new friendships and experimenting with their identity. We also know that it offers a wealth of educative options and helps them keep up with their favourite hobbies, music, sports, and so much more.

But what we should understand, is that cyberspace is like a 'Big City' where the adolescents meet the good, the bad and the ugly. It does have a lot of downsides with varying degrees of  problems such as addiction, cybersex, radical political groups, satanic groups and formation of somewhat artificial, shallow and transient relationships. 

The very scary one which is a real cyberspace dilemma is the issue of  'Adult Predators'. You are never sure who that other person maybe that chats with your teen. That 17yr old flirtatious girl could be a 47yr old man who may present himself as a supportive, sympathetic confidant who encourages your child to discuss personal problems and who eventually becomes emotionally attached to the predator.

Finally, the question is 'How should parents be involved?' These adolescents need control and to achieve that measure of control, rules need to be made! I don't think sitting beside them while they browse would do the trick but rather, trying to get them learn how to use the internet judiciously even when not under supervision. This judicious use can also be achieved by communicating to them the pros and cons of  internet usage. Parents can address addiction problems by assigning an internet log time.

Finally (seriously, the real finally!), we should really bother about what our teens are really doing in cyberspace and not just lie to ourselves saying, "They have to keep up with other kids". 

Hint: We can start with those doors that lead to cyberspace such as that blackberry you gave your kid last month or the android phones and tablets littered in their rooms or better still that iphone (that I don't even have!)...Lol! I can't shout!

INDECENT EXPOSURE!

What's with the style of dressing these days?!...boys 'sagging' and girls with low-riding denim pants and all. We need to explore the reasons behind these trend of dressing. For majority, as far as they are concerned, dressing this way could lead to anti-social behaviors while from the adolescents' point of view, "they like to send social signals and labels".
Indecent exposure is fast becoming an important health-related issue in our society (Nigeria please!). How?! Do the words HIV/AIDS, Sexually Transmitted Infections, rape, pregnancy, come to mind? Well these 'consequences' are strongly associated to scanty dressing.
Now who takes the blame for this then?...is it me or you, or the so-called modern-day parents, or the government, or even the churches? Well a lot of school of thoughts put the blame on parents and their mode of parenting. For instance, Mama go wear her 4yr old bum shorts and that same child go still continue to wear that same bum shorts till she reach 15yrs!...after dem go complain say person sexually harass am! (i can't shout abeg!)
For your information, a recent study on 283 adolescents in age group 10-19yrs, was carried out in Metropolitan Lagos which showed that there was a strong association between dressing habit and sexual comportment. It also showed that those that were scantily dressed were vulnerable to sexual acts and are likely to be more exposed to HIV/AIDS and all. The study showed that most of these adolescents wore certain clothes for various reasons and in their own words, "I want to be noticed by boys especially big boys", "I want to dress to thrill", and "Sex for cash"!
To cut matter short...what can we do to curb indecent exposure from scanty dressing? Or make we siddon look?! Because you know now...i can't shout!

Dr Chidi Ajayi: WELCOME O!

Dr Chidi Ajayi: WELCOME O!: Hi readers, Welcome to my very first blog. I am sure you are wondering what my blog site is all about. Well wonder no more! Let's just say "...

WELCOME O!

Hi readers, Welcome to my very first blog. I am sure you are wondering what my blog site is all about. Well wonder no more! Let's just say "I am a concerned citizen of teenagers health and the environment in which they live". For the sake of our lay readers, I will be using a lot terminologies such as adolescents,teenagers and youths interchangeably. And when I use these terms, I am referring to people who fall in the age category of 10yrs and 24yrs. I'd like you to look around you. Can you honestly nod your head and say you like how the youth are turning out to be, especially our Nigerian youth?! Spiritually, physically,socially and even emotionally...not commendable. But who is to blame?...is it the family, society or Government? Me O! I don't know sha because me sef, I am a partaker in the blame. Finally,to cut the long story short, my blog site will reveal, highlight and enlighten my readers on some of, if not most of the health and health related problems our youths are facing. Such issues would include, early marriage, teenage pregnancy, abortion,sexual abuse, and so on and so forth. Just stick around sha! You are very welcome to share your views while I sit on the fence because why?...I can't shout! Happy reading!